The Venus Rx and The Blue Moon. The Blue Mound of Venus and how we may be denying ourselves Pleasure.
With berry stained fingers and lips I felt magical. I was deep in the hollows of Frick Park, the only child there alone. Berries were weighing down the branches, so many berries I could indulge and not have to worry about "
Save some for someone else, would you?"
Later that summer I was stretched out in the back seat of my uncles Thunderbird headed to the ocean. I can still taste salt on my tongue and see the seeds inside the tomato squirt out and drip down my chin. They stained my shirt and would make it stiffen when they dried, but
I was too caught up in the moment of pleasure to take a wet towel and wipe my face and clothing.
My aunt had packed tiny Morton salt shakers for us to use. I felt so indulgent with my own salt shaker not having to rush or pass it to anyone else. While on vacation with her it seemed I could have anything I wanted. Nothing was off limits. She never said "We can't afford it."
That trip to Ocean City was the last summer vacation I accepted from her. There were dead jellyfish on the beach that year which had my sister and me shrieking but what was to come was much worse.
At my 8th birthday party she made it clear that my father couldn't provide for us and that we would never have these luxuries if it wasn't for her. I felt ashamed, angry, exposed, used. How dare she say these things? Yes, this was "reality." True, he couldn't buy these things for us. I didn't have the words for this back then but I felt everything she had given me spoil. You know how you can feel like someone smacked you even though they never touched you?
I do know I wanted to smack her. I didn't want her haughty pity. I certainly didn't want gifts with strings attached or ones where I felt like someone was trying to "buy" me or one-up my parents. I so wanted love and luxurious things. But at what cost? I didn't want to betray my father. Eating the bakery birthday cake her and my uncle brought would feel like swallowing a bribe. I threw the cake into the plastic wading pool. I can still see the blue "Happy Birthday" dissolving.
My guides said there is a bridge that each of us crosses between the age of 7 and 8. I invite you during the Venus Rx to ask yourself- What pleasure(s) did I give up, give up on or “put behind me” by the age of 8?
I'm sitting looking at blue Mounds of Venus in photos of hands clients sent me. Blue Moon + Blue Mound. Blue in the hands makes me think of us holding our breath, being passive, waiting, not breathing deeply, sadness, not feeling loved or wanted, blue bloods, blue babies. Hands can turn blue in the cold/cold water.
How can love we ourselves enough to breath into whatever we're feeling and not keep trying to fix it or push it away? How can we stop waiting until we change or things are different to _______? How can we stop denying ourselves the pleasure to live our lives how we want to live them?I was raised to deny my body and my desires. Were you? Me denying how I feel is not helping anyone else.
Even though we are people who might say we scoff at the teaching of spirit = high, body = lowly, more than a few of us have these Blue Mounds of Venus. Flesh + spirit + desire + sensuality + creativity = abundance. What are you denying yourself? Why?
At the Aquarius Full Moon on Friday night my guides had me sitting in the energy of the previous Capricorn Full Moon which was still very much with us. Yes, by the calendar we were being called to journey from one Full Moon to the next, but some things we can't rush. I'm not going to eat unripe fruit and pretend it tastes good.
We spent time on my Full Moon call yesterday morning feeling, deeply feeling the abandonment and betrayal we are still carrying around with us. We fight against who we are - thinking we have to change ourselves before we can love ourselves.
What I do know is that we have to change the "lens" of abandonment and betrayal we've been viewing our lives through. Changing the lens frees up a lot of energy that we've been spending on "If there wasn't something wrong with me they wouldn't have left/not loved me." I abandon myself every time I go down that road. (I'll write more on this after I listen to yesterdays call)
I invite you to play with the Blue Mound of Venus during this Venus Rx. You may notice your hands are blue in other areas. I was taught that the master path of blue in the hands is unconditional love.
If that's true then part of the student path of being blue in the hands must be denying ourselves unconditional love. Some of us think - I can have love and pleasure when I'm better. When I'm good. When I'm not bad. You all know a huge part of my mission is to be there with you as you begin to love what you told was unlovable or "bad" about yourself.
(I so love that he tattooed these words on his arm.)
I love what the Shamanic Astrologers handbook says about Leo. "Leo when it is healthy is opposed to the patriarchal principle that says: The Success you Achieve, or the Love that you Receive, is based upon how good you are or what you do." We keep saying "F*ck that" to that concept but how many of us are still living holding back the most VITAL part of ourselves because we are afraid we won't be loved if we show that part of ourselves?
I made a joke with a buddy of mine that we are being asked to "Come out of Hi(n)ding." As I tuned in for my call on Wednesday a Hind showed up. She was looking over her shoulder at me.
Some of the lore/allure around the Hind is “She was so elusive that we weren’t even sure she was of this world.*” That may sound magical and beautiful in a poem, play or storybook, right? This may be how some of us were taught/trained to be women. Elusive, mysterious, hard to pin down, act like you are not interested, feign disinterest. It's not ladylike to ______. If you don't show how much you want it/him/them you won't lose face if you don't get ________.
Yet my question to you right now is - How is being elusive working for you? To be so elusive that somebody is not even sure you are there with them. I’m sure we’ve all been in that energy in our lives. Either us or the person we’re with. Floating in space. We gain momentum by committing to being fully in our body and listening to our body and our guides.
SAVOR. Can you give into pleasure (Venus) and savor your life now or are you trying to save it for later? Summer really highlights the short window between not quite ripe, Ripe and spoiled.
The abundant weight of ripe fruit caused a branch to break off a neighbors sapote tree. She sent out a message offering to share her overflow of sapote. "Come quick, because they won't last!" Those who got there in time enjoyed the custardy flavor on their lips and tongue. Yum!!!
The right moment is the RIPE moment.
The Truth Teller is Welcome. Denise
I realize the irony of signing off with "The Truth Teller is Welcome" after I just shared my reaction to having the "truth" shoved in my face. More on this before I finish out my 30 days of newsletters.
* quote from Druid Oracle handbook