What I Discovered While Screaming Underwater in Hawaii- how going Hoarse helped me ...

“Queens (Ants) have wings and the ability of flight until fertilized. Once she is fertilized, she pulls off her own wings, sacrificing her own flight for the birth of newborn." - Ted Andrews

I had to travel through miles of ant tunnels during one part of a shamanic journey this weekend to find my true limiting belief.  You've all heard me talk about how affirmations don't work and about how many things that are 'stuck' in our bodies are from before we can talk.  I was delighted to hear the leader of our workshop say the same thing.

Before we did the journey I thought I knew what my limiting beliefs were.  After going through the miles of ant tunnels to re-connect with Tarantula (my Power Animal for right now and for me as creator of the Brouhaha Festival) I came out into a space where I heard a very young me decide "It's not safe to be magical."


Have you ever felt like that?  Like you couldn't shine, shimmer, shimmy ?  This wasn't about being persecuted or killed as a witch.  This was about an 8 year old girl seeing and knowing and feeling that it wasn't safe to be magical.  That it wasn't okay to Glitter and Glow and Sparkle.  I could look that way on the outside-  the Glam Rock era found me with tons of glittery tube tops, 5 inch platform shoes and eye make-up - but inside I always felt like I was holding back a part of my sparkle.

Pulling off her wings is exactly what my mother did- but she did it with a huge dose of resentment and blame. It was my father's fault for being schizophrenic (and not having to fully buy into the 'earth realm' or at least the 'earthly reality realm of responsibility' that she couldn't fly.  So when I started to display signs of pixie, fairy, magician, artist it had to equal going crazy.

Paolo Coelho told Oprah he was put into a mental hospital by his parents for wanting to be a writer.  I loved his response when Oprah said that people tell her "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life"

"They know.  It's very difficult, Oprah to accept that you know what you are supposed to be doing when you are not doing it. Because from the moment that you know, you either have to leave a lot of things behind or live aware that you are not fully treasuring the miracle of being alive" -  Paolo Coelho

We could easily say Brouhaha is going to reconnect all of with us with the MAGIC of being alive.

And if you're 'waiting' for something to 'happen' to FULLY feel ______. It just may be because the 'limiting belief' that you've been buying into is actually not your 'true and deep' limiting belief. (read that one more time to let it sink in)

I started to cry when I announced: "I help people who want to die to the IMAGE they have of themselves and be resurrected into their true selves with all its gorgeous light, dark, shadow and everything in between."

I broke down because I have been called evil, the devil, dark, bad because people never saw that like Snake - I am part of the resurrection story-  you can't be 'resurrected' or 'made whole' without deeply knowing the truth.  If you hold the truth up to people who don't want to know/see/touch/taste/and smell it- they may call you 'evil' or 'crazy' or any number of things.

People who are true light workers - have seen so much of what was ‘labeled’ dark that we had to create/find our own light and are now ready to descend to help others find, claim, own and LOVE all parts of themselves.

That alone would cause an enormous disturbance and there’s more!

People mentioned to me this weekend in Hawaii that they thought the Brouhaha Festival was live and in person in Los Angeles- that they had to fly in.  I can see how they thought that!  Because the intimate way we will be relating to you during the Brouhaha Festival will feel like we are in the same room, even touching at times.  However, it's virtual online event.  You don't have to come to L.A.

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho was a talisman to Oprah.  I bring that up because after our journey we were asked to create a talisman to burn in the fire ceremony of our 'limiting belief'.  This was nothing like the 'new age' ceremonies I've been to where we wrote something down and tossed it into the fire. Before we burned our talisman we danced and sweated and built up our power from the feet up.  Mine stayed in the root, 2nd and solar plexus-and wow did I feel my POWER and PASSION.  The photo at the top of this newsletter is one side of my talisman.  (The other will be below)

I was fully given back the 'lower' half of my body during that ceremony- and felt both feet on the ground for the first time since being anorexic.  I even used to sleep with one foot out of the bed in case I had to escape or leave in the middle of the night.  That's who dangerous it felt to be ME for most of my life.

I love that I bought that copy of O magazine on the way to Hawaii but didn't read it and 'talisman' until I came back.   I love when life does those 'full circles'.

I started by talking about Wings.  What I didn't say is that the Power Animal I have had since childhood is OWL.  Some people ooh and aah when they hear Owl -  however other people have been 'spooked' by that.  For all the beauty of OWL-  seeing in the dark, seeing what other people don't want to see, being a person who people know sees straight through them- has qualities of 'alone' and 'aloof'.   We are going to work intensely with the energy of 'Seers and Tricksters' during Brouhaha.  The energy of doing things very quickly- can feel 'disturbing' to people who don't have it.

We are going to transform 'disturbing' into 'CAUSING A DISTURBANCE'.  We are going to transform "troublemaker' into 'Truth Teller' This festival is for people who want to use their WINGS to cause a disturbance in the air.  To change ‘normal flight patterns’   Who never got to spread their own wings.  Or who like me as a young adult FLED rather than soared - and was pushed out of the nest if indeed we were ever in it.  Our open beaks were met with scorn.

This festival is for people who are ready to be Seen, Heard and Answered.  Who need Nourishment or to be LIfted up to take that next leap.

People who are not only ready to cause a disturbance but who want that disturbance to bring forth Passion and creativity.   People who are tired of being stuck in the ‘destruction’ cycle.  People who are willing to go to the Underworld and who know they don’t have to live there permanently.  People who know the Snake is a symbol of one who sees with both eyes.  Who celebrates and revels in male and female, divine and human.   Who knows that hard and soft are both necessary in magic.

One of the ‘tricks’ that is associated with Magic is making things Invisible. My intent with Brouhaha is to create a GATHERING for all of us who felt unseen, evil, tainted, dirty, or just plain ‘bad’ as children to become FULLY visible.  

This is a festival of Seers and Tricksters, of Mask-Wearers and Weavers of Webs.  Those words scare some people.  As writers and magicians and creative people we KNOW and FEEL the power of words to not only ‘shape reality’ but to make the invisible visible.  And some people would prefer that the things they don’t want to see/feel/talk about remain in the dark.

Some people would prefer the ‘simple’ light is good, dark is bad.  light is ‘high vibrational’ dark is ‘low vibrational’ -  I know you are not one of those people or you would not be reading this.  You are one of the few people alive who understand that - as I have said many times- Dark Creates Life - everything that is born begins to grow in the dark.

If you grew up in a house filled with silence, secrecy, abuse, shame, sadness-  Brouhaha Festival is invoking your name/chanting your name.

You know you have a magical power and it does not fit/does not feel like it fits in with the ‘new age-y’ or the ‘love and lighters’

I spent many years around love and light people feeling shamed and judged.  Being told that I needed to ‘release’ or ‘let go’ of anything that wasn’t high vibrational.   Except I’m a magician, an alchemist who knows that everything is ‘prima materia’

Look at some of the names that have been given to Prima Materia

Venom, Poison, Spirit, Medicine, Heaven, Lucifer, Fiery and Burning Water, Lye, Boiling Milk, Honey, A Spiritual Blood, Vinegar, Lead, The Serpent, The Dragon, Urine, Chaos, and Venus.

I was getting riled up a few weeks ago at “light is good, dark is evil”  I get riled up about this regularly but I was supremely pissed in this moment because this was a witch ending what she wrote with “light and love”.  I also was riled up at the old “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”

And sometimes just sometimes that hanging out in the heart, 3rd eye and crown - can be because we are afraid of getting MESSY, of being FULLY human and fully divine.

Brouhaha is a festival for people who LOVE being fully Human, messy, sweaty and full Divine.

My sincere desire is that you take the leap and join us -  http://denisedee.com/whats-the-brouhaha/

You pay $297 for an all-access pass-  how much is it costing you to not come to Brouhaha ???  I tried to argue that I couldn't afford to go to Hawaii to meet with my mentor, mastermind and do this shamanic journey. It made sense that I was being responsible in wanting to pay down my credit card 'debt' and start my next year with her with credit cards at zero.

I woke up in the middle of the night TERRIFIED to go to Hawaii.  I knew things would never be the same after I went.  That I would come back profoundly changed.   As I am typing this - I am hoarse.  I lost my old voice on that trip and the new one is in my body- and just today starting to cross my lips.  The terror was really saying "Buy the ticket".  I did. http://denisedee.com/whats-the-brouhaha/

Expansively Yours, Denise

p.s. -  here is the other side of my talisman


p.p.s. - I will be sending out an exclusive offer to a few of you who I am hand-selecting - watch your in-box over the next few days.

p.p.p.s- pull that tape off your mouth, root, 2nd or heart- it is going to hurt at first- I had a miscarriage during my journey (energetically) and I am feeling completely reborn.  If I had pushed away the pain- I'd still be 'dead'.

screaming underwater
screaming underwater

Screaming Underwater