The air was electric with anticipation yesterday. I set out for my walk We hadn't had rain for months! It's so magical to splash in rain puddles. I was supposed to be going to the gym but decided I would rather take a walk in the rain. Within a few minutes it looked like the rain was over. White clouds and blue started to be more visible than gray- dang! Then the deep rumbling of thunder began. It's hard to hear thunder without hearing "God bowls in the sky." The sky darkened again and the thunder grew more insistent. I saw flashes of light but not the lightning. I thought "I wonder if I could get a photo of lightning." I pulled my camera out and started walking looking up. I was on Sunset Boulevard near the Self-Realization Fellowship Temple and the Scientology campus. The biggest Lightning Bolt I have ever seen flashed through the sky. The lightning and thunder kept coming closer and closer together. I yelled out "Chango." It was hard not to.
"Chango" "Chango" each time my voice grew deeper and moved lower in my body. The thunder seemed to grow even louder. This is the original gunfire. Who needs guns when you are connected so closely with the power and potency of your TRUE nature? Trying to get rid of or "control" our Mars, to make it impotent is only going to lead to more frustration, violence and self-destruction. We need to learn how to channel and direct that primal energy.
People can be so afraid of their own nature. Some like to take credit for "good" and blame "evil" for their actions. Some like to give "good" to god or their "higher self" and "evil" to devil or their "lower self."
One of my friends was asked "Which animal are you most afraid of?" while taking a shamanic quiz. He replied "The human animal." It can be easy to forget that we are animals. It can be easy to think that god wants us to get rid of our "primal" or "animal" or "lower" nature. Who actually heard god say this?
You know I tried to become "pure spirit" when I was 16. Many of my bodily functions slowed down or stopped. My hair started to fall out and a soft down grew on my body. "They" kept trying to kill my willfulness, my "spirit" (aka nature) which was very instinctual, impulsive, questioning, empathic and psychic.
You want "rise above"? I'll give you rise above. I can't have needs. Fine, I'll show you ... What kind of insane things have you done in the name of being a better person? What kind of crazy things have you done to conquer or "divide and conquer" your nature? How much time have you spent trying to control your appetites?
The dance of lightning and thunder like call and response music had me vibrating. I felt like a megawatt light. Connected to my pulses & impulses and the pulse of nature. Impulse. Pulse.
Sometimes it feels like space needs to be cleared for us to see and sense "calm." In truth calm is already there just like the space between the lightning and thunder. We're not really calm if "calm" requires an elaborate set-up and certain conditions.
The School of Peace is about teaching people how to feel calm and safe in their body reminds of the calm eye in the center of a tornado. It's not "I'll feel calm when _______." It's about how do I feel safe and secure in my body? You're not going to be too surprised to hear me say that I believe this true calm can be found when we stop trying to change our nature.
While watching and feeling the spectacle in the sky I was excited and calm. It doesn't have to be own or the other. One of my clients was handed a lightning bolt as a symbol while making her shaman stick. She had a male guide show up and I could see a female one right behind him. We talked briefly about all the widely known Archangels being male. While I was calling out Chango during the thunder and lightning something flashed in my brain and this morning I looked to see if he had a female saint overlaid on him. Yep he was syncretized with St. Barbara. She is also associated with lightning.
As I read up on her online, the Catholic encyclopedia said her life was a reminder to not be controlled by our anger. Great point! Even they didn't say to get rid of it. Ask Chango - How do we FEEL our anger and direct it ? How do we not shut down our appetites? How do we use our lightning bolts? Our inspiration, our power, our force?
Some powerful people say they "make things happen." Can we "make things happen"? Or do we connect with what is already on the way? When we connect with our deep knowing we can feel like we made things "happen." That can be exciting and scary. I've experienced those swings between "I made this happen" and "I can't make anything happen." Some may call this potency and impotency. I don't know anyone who likes feeling creatively impotent. We each have to discover what we have no power over. How to dance our own power/powerless & control/giving up control dance. It's an intriguing one.
Where we can get "confused"- I feel - is connecting with the Power and Potency and not knowing how and where to direct it. We need guidance and mentoring to help us learn this. We are master and apprentice in different areas of our lives and bodies. It's hard to be both for ourselves- this is why we need help discerning what is guidance and what is avoidance.
More on this on my call on Wednesday.
The Truth Teller is Welcome, Denise
p.s. lightning set a palm tree on fire yesterday in Echo Park. I had only ever seen palm trees on fire in the video for Malibu by Hole.
p.p.s. Chango makes his residence at the top of the royal palm tree.