Have I told you about the Christmas that I came downstairs to a stocking filled with coal on the mantle and no gifts for me?
What did I do to deserve this cruelty? I asked too many questions at home and at school and was thus "bad." You can picture my wild-eyed hysterical self alternating between being angry, crying and finally going cold that Christmas morning. Even though it turned out that there were indeed gifts for me - part of me shut down that morning. Part of me learned not to get my hopes up. That attentions, gifts and love could and would be either promised to me and pulled away or just pulled away. I learned not to get my hopes up.
I've been revisiting this theme over the past couple months. Swinging between innocent and orphan. Getting excited, wanting to believe, thinking this time it will be true, this time I will get what was promised, this time I'll get what I deserve. Ouch! If you like me were threatened with "You're going to get what you deserve." - in that scenario- it was never anything "good." So part of me has come to expect things even when are this close- so close I can taste, touch, see, smell them- will be yanked away.
I'm standing up for myself and I'm standing up for my relationships and I am telling people how I feel when they make promises and don't follow through on them. This has not been easy for me. First off, because I myself make promises and don't follow through. Because I change my mind. I mentioned this to a friend and she said to me "Denise, when you change your mind - people end up getting more than what you said they would." I'm not sure that is always true. I also know I can snap into "withholding." I used to do it hurt people. Though I might have told the story that I was doing it to not get hurt myself- there was definitely elements of wanting to hurt people as badly as I had been hurt.
I was so afraid of losing love for most of my life. What does that even mean? When I really looked into it- it was imagined love on the one side and on the other is was all the crazy things I did to try to win attention (love in my mind) from people who had no time to give me the attention I wanted. The past 30 days have been spent examining my core values and what I mean when I say Freedom or Love or Attention. Attention and Recognition are very important to me. I cloaked some of my needs under the guise of being Free or Independent. (More on this later)
We sit here a few days into the Shadow period of Mercury Rx. The shadow was cast on December 1rst. The Mercury Rx begins on December 12th.* Those of us who got in trouble for asking a lot of questions THRIVE during Mercury Rx if we use it to question where we have become less alive, less wild, more afraid and/or more numb. To own were we have become creatures of habit. To see where and how we are pushing away people who want to love us. To see where and how we are dreaming and sleepwalking rather than committing to manifesting our dreams.
Krampus is celebrated on the eve of the feast of St. Nicholas. Krampus is half-goat and half-demon. Krampus is one of the only occasions in Winter where attention is given to children. Supposedly "bad" children have their gifts taken away by Krampus but one look at Krampus suggests otherwise to me. In the versions I am more familiar with the "wild" kids are taken to live with Krampus in his lair.
I am reading "The Gene Keys" by Richard Rudd. One of the keys I have says that I will be accused of taking people into the Dark when in fact I am taking them into Death. Why would I want to do that? Why would you want to do that? If you have worked with me at all, on any level- you know we have to let something die in order to free ourselves.
I am giving you a gift today that I hope you will redeem. I am offering you 2 opportunities to work with me at $497. If you respond before December 21rst. I am giving you a coupon for $200 off. Yes, I am serious about this. It's a reward for Deciding and Taking Action.
You can join me for
1) 2017- The Year of Mastery. 2 calls a month in which I channel through Elements each of us is being called to Master in 2017. You receive 1- 15 minute session per season. I will channel directly for you what you need to hear that month and we will strategize together on action steps. If you are not ready, willing and able to take action- DO NOT sign up for this series. While you are participating in the Year of Mastery you receive special rates on 1:1 sessions with me and on all my other offerings.
2) Rebel Seer -
You will meet at least 2 of your guides.
You will learn how to connect with your guides, channel, get messages for yourself and for your clients, do psychic and intuitive readings.
You will be required to practice.
You learn how to speak what some call the unspeakable. You deeply discover and stand in the light of Truth and what it means to have these gifts.
This is not for anyone who is afraid of the dark. We delve deeply into ways we have given up our power. We own the Witch in each of us. We become more alive. We grieve and we experience coming home to ourselves. This is the inexpensive version. You will receive the benefit of me guiding you when you practice on group calls and you will also receive 2 - 15 minute 1:1 private sessions with me.
I look forward to working with anyone who shut down any part of themselves for fear of being called bad, unworthy or unlovable. You are my family.
The Truth Teller is Welcome,
*** If you are mentoring with me in 2017 - you receive both of these offerings with your mentoring.